Lebanese? You are to follow these commandments:
1. You shall not eat when you are hungry because meat is rotten, fruits and vegetables are treated with tons of carcinogenic pesticides and are irrigated with sewage, poultry and eggs are choke-full of hormones and antibiotics, dairy products are swarming with bacteria, bread is kneaded with straw and razors, and canned food is a preservatives and additives fest.
2.You shall not drink when you’re thirsty because the Litany River is nothing but a humongous sewage drainage system, and according to the Minister of Health, only 15% of water-bottling companies are licensed; the rest are just distributors of ‘disease in a bottle’.
3.You shall not breath because according to a study by AUB’s Dr. Najat Saliba, the air in Lebanon is saturated with toxic particulate matter produced by the millions of cars that roam the streets, while factories and power plants emit their fumes raw and unfiltered right into our lungs.
4.You shall not have a decent public transportation system even though a tank of gas costs almost 5% of the Lebanese minimum wage.
5.You shall not enjoy nature because it simply doesn’t exist anymore.
6.You shall not own a house or any other property unless you belong to the elite 1% that has gotten filthy rich selling rotten meat and drugs.
7.You shall not receive medication when you fall sick because you don’t have an insurance, because the NSSF is dysfunctional, because major hospitals give their cancer patients water injections rather than cancer treatment, and because 100% of all medicines in Lebanon are either counterfeited or have a dubious expiry date.
8.You shall not get a proper education because the Lebanese University is under-budgeted and corrupt and private universities are open only for the daughters and sons of expatriates who toil away all of their lives in the Gulf in order to afford the skyrocketing tuition fees.
9.You shall not have clean, sustainable energy which is readily and abundantly available through harnessing our wind, solar, and hydroelectric energy because importing ship-mounted power plants is much more profitable for the Minister of energy and water.
10. You shall either emigrate or die.